10 Commandments for Kirtana

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR KIRTANA IN THE ISKCON RELIGION. by Jayadvaita Swami

1. Thou shalt chant as many tunes as thou canst think of.

2. Thou shalt not chant any one tune for more than three minutes.

3. Thou shalt not chant the morning tune in the morning. Or if thou start
with it thou shalt quickly switch to something else.

4. Thou shalt start fast, speed up, speed up more, then stop and start all
over again. The more times the better.

5. If thou art the mrdanga player, thou shalt always set the pace, following
whatever mechanical pattern thou art used to, and let the singer follow thee
or go to hell.

6. Thou shalt always chant "Jaya Prabhupada," "Jaya Gurudeva," "Jaya
Gaura-Nitai," "Jaya the names of all the Deities in thy temple (and then
some)," and as many other "Jayas" as thou canst think of. Thou shalt never
end a kirtana without those "Jayas."

7. Thou shalt always add "Jaya Radhe" to the kirtana. (And if thou canst
vary it with "Jaya Sri Radhe," so much the better.)

8. Thou shalt not allow the Hare Krsna mantra to take up more than ten
percent of the kirtana. And heaven forbid thou shouldest chant it all the
way through.

9. If thou art Indian, thou shalt try to sound like a professional bhajan
singer. If thou art not Indian, thou shalt try to sound like an Indian
devotee imitating one.

10. Thou shalt forget about the way Srila Prabhupada led kirtana.

Bless this House

Bless this house, O Lord, we pray.
Make it safe by night and day.

Bless our humble vestibule,
Bless the TV, bless the pool.

Bless our silly little notions.
Bless our week's supply of Trojans.

Bless, oh bless the internet.
Bless our liquor cabinet.

Bless our kitchen, for it features
Places where we roast Thy creatures,

Bake them, broil them, nuke them, fry them.
Blessed Lord, please sanctify them

While we're scarfing down their wings,
livers, legs, and other things

Breasts and tongues and blood galore,
Bless them, Lord, forevermore.

Bless the toilets where we sit,
Bless the urine, bless the ___.

Bless our fish and parakeet.
Bless our dog, who fouls the street.

Bless our dull routine behavior.
Bless our envy of our neighbor.

Bless this house, O Lord, we pray.
Make it safe by night and day.

Bless the children, bless the wife.
Bless our empty mundane life.

By H.H. Jayadvaita Swami